


Pain of a Different Kind

by Stennerd



Series: Buddie Week 2020 [6]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck helps him through it, Buddie Week 2020 (9-1-1 TV), Caring Evan "Buck" Buckley, Dreams and Nightmares, Eddie has a nighmare/memory of his last tour, Eddie tried to forget his time in afghanistan, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), M/M, Mentions of Afghanistan, Mentions of Near Death Experiences, Observant Evan "Buck" Buckley, Sort Of, bullet wounds, his old injuries won't let him forget
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26646616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stennerd/pseuds/Stennerd
Summary: Day 6: Buddie + “Just breathe, okay?” + hurt/comfort - Eddie thought he knew what pain was when he was younger, but it wasn’t until he joined the army when he learned what it really was.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Buddie Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931380
Comments: 6
Kudos: 86





	Pain of a Different Kind

Eddie thought he knew what pain was when he was younger, but it wasn’t until he joined the army when he learned what it really was.

Before the army he thought that pain was just physical, the kind you get when you fall out of a tree and get cuts and bruises from the branches. The kind that your mum picks you up from and kisses what hurts to make it better. He used to think that over time pain goes away, forgotten once healed.

Now he knows that isn’t true.

He learned from his second tour that pain can be a memory, one of loss and grief of losing a team member, a friend, someone who he trusted with his life. A memory that reminds you of how close you could have lost your own life, one that leaves an invisible wound on your heart and your head, that will fade but never be forgotten.

Yeah, he learned that memory could also leave you reminders, ones that you will never truly be able to forget because these ones are scars, old wounds marring your skin as raised white marks that ache years after they had been inflicted.

Eddie has mementos of the worst time of his life, bullet wounds from his last tour, one in the shoulder and wrist, and a white streak on his leg that was once a graze. Constant reminders of a time of his life that he wishes he could forget.

Most of the time these days he doesn’t notice them, the knowledge that they exist and what their presence represents shoved down in the deep recess of his mind as he goes about his day; doing his job, being a dad, being a boyfriend. He gives them his complete focus because it means that he’s moved forward and hasn’t let his past hold him back.

The problem is when he sleeps, he can’t control what his mind decides to show him. Generally, when he sleeps he doesn’t dream, the depths of a deep sleep claim him after each exhausting day. This particular night, however, had his bullet wounds aching, thrumming with pulses of their own and reminding him of that day.

He’s not sure what brought it on but has his suspicions that his near-death experience underground had left that door to his mind ajar which he had long since locked.

The ache started mid-shift, slowly reclaiming his attention to the point where he couldn’t ignore it. He kept it to himself and he’s certain no one caught on to his disquieted mind, no one except Buck. His boyfriend has somehow always been attuned to the emotions of everyone in the team and it seems he’d picked up on whatever energy Eddie has been mask throughout the rest of the shift.

Thankfully, Buck had kept it to himself, instead choosing to keep close in silent comfort and maintaining his presence until they clocked out and went home together. As if he knew Eddie wasn’t ready to talk about or explain what was going on, Buck didn’t ask any questions on their way home and carried most of the conversation when they got home to Chris.

When it was time for bed, Eddie didn’t think he would actually sleep, unable to calm his mind, not when the old injuries had his undivided attention. Nevertheless, with his back pressed against Buck’s chest and arm held comfortably he found himself being lulled by the sense of comfort Buck’s presence provided.

But as he said, he couldn’t control what his mind decided to show him when he was asleep, and now with the door ajar, and his wounds aching anew it was the perfect environment for those memories to come flooding back and he could do nothing in his unconscious state but relive them.

Eddie doesn’t remember waking up, all he knows is pain fresh from the battlefield when he thought he would never see Christopher again.

At some point he becomes aware of a voice, one he now knows by heart. “Eddie, It’s me, its Buck. You’re not wherever you think you are, you’re with me, in LA.”

Buck manages to get him talking, asking him things he could see, touch, and smell, and with each question he answered he returned to the present, scars still aching.

He falls sideways into Buck and feels his arms automatically wrapping around him, one hand rubbing soothing patterns into his back while the other held his head gently against his chest by his heart. “Just breathe, okay?”

And so he did, doing his best to match his breaths to the slow rise and fall of Buck’s chest. It took some time, but he finally got there and found himself circling his arms around Buck’s waist and drinking in his steady, comforting presence.

He knows he being uncharacteristically vulnerable, but it doesn’t bother him because he knows Buck understands, having had them be in a reversed situation in the past.

Eventually, Buck draws Eddie back down against the pillows, keeping him cradled against his chest.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured, feeling slightly guilty for waking Buck up.

“What? Eddie, no. You have absolutely nothing to apologise for.” Eddie feels him press a kiss into his hair, “Did you want to talk about it?”

And Eddie finds that he does, so he tells Buck everything and Buck listens as he explains it all, humming every so often to make sure he knew that he was still listening through the darkness of their bedroom.

It helps. He didn’t expect it to, but it does even if it was only a little bit. Maybe it had something to do with being able to share it with someone who understood, who could relate to it even if came from a different kind of experience. Or maybe it's just because he completely and utterly trusted Buck enough that he could be completely open without fear of being invalidated.

In any case, the ache felt more bearable, it was still there lurking, but he knew that it would eventually pass. And in the meantime, he had Buck there to help alleviate whatever he could in the most Buck-way possible.

Time may not heal all wounds but with the right person by your side, they can be made much more manageable and that’s all Eddie could ask for.


End file.
